Acknowledgement.

It's hard for me as a semi creative person to deal with the encouragement of my parents, seeing as they still live in a time where the TV was still black and white and car were called automobiles, their opinions in things that I make have no relevance. And that's what a creative child needs isn't it? Encouragement. It's what keeps you going, it's what floats an artists boat. Forget about all that shit about not needing acknowledgment and approval, it's exactly what you need, or is it just me? Maybe it is and I probably won't stop until the whole world loves me, and that means never...

It's quite a trivial matter, a petty concern, this complaining of not being encouraged as a child, but it is none the less, my downfall. It's why I give up every time I'm on to something. If no one else cares, I won't be making it. But who is going to care about it if I don't? Quite the moment 22.

When I stop and think about it, it all started when I was younger, maybe fifteen or so. I was writing this online diary on this community that was popular back in the day. It was before all this blogging and online broadcasting. I was writing poetry, poetry not too abstract and not too personal, so many people could recognize themselves in my texts and they did. I had a steady following for years, people who would actually ask me if something was wrong when I hadn't written for a while. Like proper fans they would support me through the years, leave notes on me page and always affirming me work. I think that this made me addicted to the acknowledgement, to the affirmation of being talented. But over the years there has been more communities and forums, bigger one's that makes it harder to make yourself heard, nowadays you're just a needle in a haystack. And ever since I've been trying to get back to that place, my place on the internet. Hence my desire to be the big fish in the small pond...